So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
