Please, let me fuck your mom
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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