Don't you send me to vm
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
