thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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