I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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