My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
