i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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