I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
