Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
