Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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