Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
