I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
