you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
