Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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