I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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