I need help removing her.
Is it because I queefed?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
