I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
