im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this just has baby written all over it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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