Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
