I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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