Grow some girl-balls and come out already
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
