i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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