i think my tv is drunk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
