he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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