can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
