pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
