conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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