There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He shit in the fireplace
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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