Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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