We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
