I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
