He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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