Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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