Screwed.edu
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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