i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
