filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
