Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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