ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
