the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
