Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
