do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize