drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
