my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
