If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
