I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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