so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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