I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
