Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
