his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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