You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
