My sheets look like a crime scene.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
