My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
