I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i can't believe i had my finger in that
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
