Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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