But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
