why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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