our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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