sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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