I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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