so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
