that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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