Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
