we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
