Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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