Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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