umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
