1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
