I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
