Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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