My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize