Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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