I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
