I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
