on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
