Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
