I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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