I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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