Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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