so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
