if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
