My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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