I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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